James Is Born

In 1987 I married my high school sweetheart Kristen. Together we had two beautiful daughters, Jessica and Heather.  Jessica was thirteen years old and in the eighth grade, Heather was ten years old and in the fifth grade. We did not have any plans to have more children, as we had been married twelve years, and to say the least, the marriage had been challenging. In May of 1999 we were shocked to find out that Kristen was pregnant. News of the pregnancy came with mixed emotions.

On January 17th, 2000, James Jordan Darling was born.  James' birth seemed to erase all of the issues that we were facing in the marriage. Not only was James beautiful and healthy, but he was the first boy (on both sides). My two sisters, Jennifer and Jayne, both had daughters, as well as my sisters-in-laws (Rebecca and Heather). James was the first boy, and the only grandchild that would carry on the Darling name.

 Everything was happy and normal those first several months. James was breastfeeding, he had a hearty appetite, slept well, and by all accounts was a healthy baby who loved his binky and blanky. The weekend of October 14th we noticed that James seemed to be coming down with what we assumed was a cold or the flu. The glands in his neck and shoulders seemed swollen, he was extremely fussy, and we had trouble getting him to sleep at night. I was concerned that we would not be able to get him in to see his pediatrician since it was the weekend. We decided that it was best to bring him to the Emergency Room. We explained James' symptoms to the emergency room physician. He quickly examined James, and did not seem overly concerned. He speculated that he may have some sort of virus and advised us to "just let it run its course".

Several days passed, and James wasn't any better. In fact, he was becoming increasingly worse. On October 19th (a Thursday) my grandfather passed away. He had been a great friend to me as well as a mentor. He had grown up during the depression and was extremely frugal with his money. My grandfather would buy properties (fixer-uppers) and rent them, or sell them for a profit. He had several small wooden barrels full of nails that he had collected over the years. He used to tell me that one day he was going to help me build my house, and that he had the tools and all the nails that we would need. While on his death bed, he told me "Jim, I'm not going to be able to help you build your house" as tears streamed down his face. All I could say was "that's ok gramp, you just rest." I was so sad to see him go but I was also grateful that he died before knowing that James would eventually become very sick with Leukemia.

 During the week of my grandfather’s funeral, James' condition worsened. He began having night sweats, which raised our level of concern. We had another follow-up appointment with James' pediatrician. He noticed some redness in James' ear, and thought that it could be a bacterial infection. He advised us to give it the weekend, and if he wasn't any better by Monday to call back and make another appointment.

The weekend came, and we ended up taking James back to the ER (once again during the night). James had woken up screaming, his body language made it clear that the pain was coming from his abdomen. The same emergency room doctor would examine him. We again explained James' symptoms, this time adding the night sweats and the fact that he was in agonizing pain. His explanation was similar to the first,"he had an infection." This time he prescribed an antibiotic and left the room. Kristen and I were frustrated with his examination, as well as his diagnosis. We both felt that he had not paid enough attention to his abdomen (where the source of the pain seemed to radiate). We called the doctor back into the room and we vented our frustration. We told him that we were not satisfied with the exam and wanted him to re-examine James. He obliged, but the diagnosis was the same. So we once again returned home with our son still in pain.

 The morning, October 23^rd, (a Monday) we buried my grandfather. I was asked to say a few words at the service. I spoke of all of the fond memories I had of my grandfather, all the while, James was crying. Kristen took James to the foyer of the church to try and console him. By the time I was able to join her she had already made the phone call to the pediatrician. She left the service and took James home while I attended the burial.

(picture above was taken around the time that we suspected James may have the flu/cold - 9mo.)

James Jordan Darling

James Jordan Darling was diagnosed with leukemia (Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia - A.L.L.) at the age of nine months.

On Christmas morning of 2005, James passed away at the age of five.   I am his father, James Charles Darling.  I created this blog with the hopes of being able to share the story of his life.  From birth, and the joy that we felt as parents, to diagnosis, remission, relapse and ultimately his passing. I remember the feelings of absolute shock, helplessness and fear of what was to come the day he was diagnosed.  I had no idea how our lives were about to change.

My hope is to reach parents/families struggling with the loss of a child, and even those who are in the beginning stages of diagnosis.

In the almost six years that James was with us, he taught me many valuable lessons about love, laughter, family, even humility.  Despite all of the challenges that we faced as a family, I hold dear to the many beautiful memories that we made during his precious time with us. 

I hope that this blog provides hope, and is an inspiration to whomever stumbles across my page.  I can only provide you with my perspective of what it is like to experience such adversity, and how I was able to overcome, but never forget. I hope that when James smiles down upon me that he is proud of me and who I became, and that his death was not in vain.